Somebody once told me the definition of hell:
On your last day on earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become.
— Anonymous
As today starts a whole new year, I imagine you are contemplating what resolutions you will commit yourself to for the coming year. One of the best ways to move forward is to contemplate what obstacles are holding us back and try to work on those. I want to present you with some observations of a couple of things that are typical obstacles for many of us, including myself.
The first obstacle I’ve seen many struggle with is around our truth. We have spent so many years building up walls and mastering the “spin”. It’s an incredibly strong and powerful coping mechanism for sure. And we have learned to use the truth like a chess piece. We became good at hiding it or spinning it…only sharing a little of our truth with different people depending on what we want or need from them. And it keeps us safe. And some could argue that skill is not an obstacle…that it has allowed us to get further and navigate in ways we couldn’t by being completely honest. But at what cost? We argue that it allows us to “protect” people around us and in the short term it does, but ultimately it really only protects us. And it makes me so sad that we feel like we need that much protection. Because it keeps the truth of us buried down deep inside. Most of us don't let anyone know our whole truth, and I dare say not even ourselves. How could we? We have manipulated it for so long that I wonder how much of our own truth we're aware of and how much just bubbles to the surface in moments of discord and reveal something to us about ourselves. And that is clearly an obstacle to our self-growth. Not living our truth in all it’s messy glory injures our souls. I’ve watched it happen to myself and others and it has broken my heart more than I care to think about.
So my ultimate wish is that we let ourselves live our truth. That we let the walls come down so we can really know ourselves. And then I hope we find someone we can share that with. Really let them know us. In all the messiness and f@#%*-up-ness of what we think are the bad parts. Be vulnerable enough to let someone in to see those parts. ALL of the parts. If that person also knows and accepts the dark sides of themselves then it will only make them love us more. I know it's hard to believe that...and I know that sounds scary...but we can't know true connection unless we're willing to let them see us. And if they leave then that's not who we want anyway. We will find the one that will stay because they love us even more every time we let them see more of us. And we will know true peace...true connection…true acceptance...and true love for the first time in our lives. Let go of the old stuff and the fear and the walls and give over to love. And if we let go, REALLY let go of the fear…fear of failing…fear of commitment...fear of getting hurt...I know we will find that person. The right person will be drawn to us. And we will be able to trust them and they won’t hurt us like so many have in the past. We have to trust in that and see it. It is already a done deal, it’s in motion. Allow it to happen. Don’t waste another moment of life closed off to it. It’s what we are on this earth for. Let yourself have it. Please don't accept anything less! We NEVER have to accept anything less.
And that brings me to my second observation. We have lived our lives not asking for what we want, which goes along with not living our truth. We HAVE to start asking for what we want...demanding it. Let that be our life mission...to go out and get everything we want. While being true to ourselves and presenting that true self to the world. I don’t know where we learned that we shouldn’t ask for what we want. I don’t know if we feel like we can’t have it, or we're not worthy to have it, or if we have just been told no so many times we stopped trying. I don’t know if we even know why we don’t go after what we want. I think at times it doesn’t even dawn on us as an option. But, if we can think it in our brain, we can have it. And on the flip side this includes having the courage to end what we don’t like. Like relationships. We drag out endings because we can't just ask for what we want and hold our ground. Somehow other's protection and wants and needs supersede our own. No more. If we don’t like something, either change it because it’s important or end it. We're worth that!
So my hope is that we start asking ourselves, every single day, “What if” questions. What if this job were everything I dreamed it would be? What if I lived in my dream home in my dream neighborhood? What if I found my true soulmate and it was the relationship of my dreams? Ask those questions EVERY DAY. Our subconscious starts looking for the answers. Our conscious starts looking for the answers. And it makes us happy to think of those answers. It puts us in the space where it actually happens. It will be drawn to us.
My absolute wish in the coming year is that we go out and take the life that's meant for us. One ask at a time. And live for the real us. Let someone in and let them see us. All of us. Don't be what we think others want us to be. Show them who we are. No apologies. Throw off the fears…we only live this life once. And we will have a great life! That is my 2017 wish. May this truly be the most wonderful year of your entire life. Happy New Year!
The first obstacle I’ve seen many struggle with is around our truth. We have spent so many years building up walls and mastering the “spin”. It’s an incredibly strong and powerful coping mechanism for sure. And we have learned to use the truth like a chess piece. We became good at hiding it or spinning it…only sharing a little of our truth with different people depending on what we want or need from them. And it keeps us safe. And some could argue that skill is not an obstacle…that it has allowed us to get further and navigate in ways we couldn’t by being completely honest. But at what cost? We argue that it allows us to “protect” people around us and in the short term it does, but ultimately it really only protects us. And it makes me so sad that we feel like we need that much protection. Because it keeps the truth of us buried down deep inside. Most of us don't let anyone know our whole truth, and I dare say not even ourselves. How could we? We have manipulated it for so long that I wonder how much of our own truth we're aware of and how much just bubbles to the surface in moments of discord and reveal something to us about ourselves. And that is clearly an obstacle to our self-growth. Not living our truth in all it’s messy glory injures our souls. I’ve watched it happen to myself and others and it has broken my heart more than I care to think about.
So my ultimate wish is that we let ourselves live our truth. That we let the walls come down so we can really know ourselves. And then I hope we find someone we can share that with. Really let them know us. In all the messiness and f@#%*-up-ness of what we think are the bad parts. Be vulnerable enough to let someone in to see those parts. ALL of the parts. If that person also knows and accepts the dark sides of themselves then it will only make them love us more. I know it's hard to believe that...and I know that sounds scary...but we can't know true connection unless we're willing to let them see us. And if they leave then that's not who we want anyway. We will find the one that will stay because they love us even more every time we let them see more of us. And we will know true peace...true connection…true acceptance...and true love for the first time in our lives. Let go of the old stuff and the fear and the walls and give over to love. And if we let go, REALLY let go of the fear…fear of failing…fear of commitment...fear of getting hurt...I know we will find that person. The right person will be drawn to us. And we will be able to trust them and they won’t hurt us like so many have in the past. We have to trust in that and see it. It is already a done deal, it’s in motion. Allow it to happen. Don’t waste another moment of life closed off to it. It’s what we are on this earth for. Let yourself have it. Please don't accept anything less! We NEVER have to accept anything less.
And that brings me to my second observation. We have lived our lives not asking for what we want, which goes along with not living our truth. We HAVE to start asking for what we want...demanding it. Let that be our life mission...to go out and get everything we want. While being true to ourselves and presenting that true self to the world. I don’t know where we learned that we shouldn’t ask for what we want. I don’t know if we feel like we can’t have it, or we're not worthy to have it, or if we have just been told no so many times we stopped trying. I don’t know if we even know why we don’t go after what we want. I think at times it doesn’t even dawn on us as an option. But, if we can think it in our brain, we can have it. And on the flip side this includes having the courage to end what we don’t like. Like relationships. We drag out endings because we can't just ask for what we want and hold our ground. Somehow other's protection and wants and needs supersede our own. No more. If we don’t like something, either change it because it’s important or end it. We're worth that!
So my hope is that we start asking ourselves, every single day, “What if” questions. What if this job were everything I dreamed it would be? What if I lived in my dream home in my dream neighborhood? What if I found my true soulmate and it was the relationship of my dreams? Ask those questions EVERY DAY. Our subconscious starts looking for the answers. Our conscious starts looking for the answers. And it makes us happy to think of those answers. It puts us in the space where it actually happens. It will be drawn to us.
My absolute wish in the coming year is that we go out and take the life that's meant for us. One ask at a time. And live for the real us. Let someone in and let them see us. All of us. Don't be what we think others want us to be. Show them who we are. No apologies. Throw off the fears…we only live this life once. And we will have a great life! That is my 2017 wish. May this truly be the most wonderful year of your entire life. Happy New Year!
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