As human beings, we crave belonging. A sense of connection. But I think in that craving we sometimes lose ourselves. So many of us alter our thoughts, behaviors, and actions to "fit in" with a group or another person. Sometimes we do it consciously to gain some type of advantage in business or creating relationships. But it's the unconscious changes that do the most damage. Those are the ones you eventually lose control of. When you don't even realize you've changed. When you no longer live your truth and don't even know it.
Do you live your truth? Do you REALLY know what your truth is anymore? As you stop and think about that for a few moments, ask yourself is that really your truth or someone else's. Is the feeling, thought, etc actually coming from inside you or coming from wanting to "fit". Mark Twain said "Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect." That doesn't always mean that you won't reflect and realize that you really do agree with the majority of those you surround yourself with. But you should always stop and make sure. Awareness can make all the difference since it allows you to make your conscious choices from a place of knowing what you truly want or feel.
We are all born with an emotional guidance system. It allows us to move through life ensuring that we are creating a life worth living. One that brings us joy and continues to guide us in the right direction. If something feels good, keep doing it or moving in that direction. If something feels bad, move away from that. When something feels bad, it gives us a clearer view of what we want (because it's essentially the opposite of the bad thing). But here's the rub...does it feel bad based on YOUR beliefs and feelings or because of someone else's? Your family, your group of friends, or simply the social construct of the region where you live.
This is where your work comes in. First is identifying the fear. Fear of not fitting in. Fear of what people will think of you. Fear of rejection. Many of us are stuck here. We haven't even realized that fear is playing such a huge role in how we think, feel and act. But when you are sitting in the dark on a beautiful black sand beach off the northern coast of Costa Rica looking up at a million stars poking holes of light in the night sky waiting for a green sea turtle to finish building her nest so you can watch the miracle of her laying her eggs...it hits you. It's just you. It's always been just you. It always will be just you.
What really matters right now is who I am and how I feel about myself. In this moment it doesn't matter what kind of car I drive. It doesn't matter how much money I make or whether all of my coworkers approve of me as a person. It doesn't matter how many TVs I have or how many likes I get for a picture I post on Facebook. It doesn't matter if anyone else on the planet approves of who I love. All of those people making judgments on our lives are not here. And those people will move in and out of our lives anyway so why would we change who we are to meet THEIR needs or expectations? It's likely they are in our lives to raise our awareness. To shine a light on something. It's our job to become aware of that.
The second part of your work is being courageous enough to be you. Brene Brown, author of Daring Greatly, said "Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy--the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light." I don't think we ever feel the depth of true joy unless we are being our true selves. Which is counter intuitive as we strive to create that belonging by changing to be something we think others will accept. Exactly the opposite of how we should be doing it!
So as you move through life and try to determine what's real for you or not, think about being on that beach in Costa Rica. Sit still. Meditate. Take the time to get to know yourself. And then dare to live from that place. And then those that are supposed to be in your life...the ones that will love the real you..the ones that you will find that true deep connection with will come.
And that is true peace.
Do you live your truth? Do you REALLY know what your truth is anymore? As you stop and think about that for a few moments, ask yourself is that really your truth or someone else's. Is the feeling, thought, etc actually coming from inside you or coming from wanting to "fit". Mark Twain said "Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect." That doesn't always mean that you won't reflect and realize that you really do agree with the majority of those you surround yourself with. But you should always stop and make sure. Awareness can make all the difference since it allows you to make your conscious choices from a place of knowing what you truly want or feel.
We are all born with an emotional guidance system. It allows us to move through life ensuring that we are creating a life worth living. One that brings us joy and continues to guide us in the right direction. If something feels good, keep doing it or moving in that direction. If something feels bad, move away from that. When something feels bad, it gives us a clearer view of what we want (because it's essentially the opposite of the bad thing). But here's the rub...does it feel bad based on YOUR beliefs and feelings or because of someone else's? Your family, your group of friends, or simply the social construct of the region where you live.
This is where your work comes in. First is identifying the fear. Fear of not fitting in. Fear of what people will think of you. Fear of rejection. Many of us are stuck here. We haven't even realized that fear is playing such a huge role in how we think, feel and act. But when you are sitting in the dark on a beautiful black sand beach off the northern coast of Costa Rica looking up at a million stars poking holes of light in the night sky waiting for a green sea turtle to finish building her nest so you can watch the miracle of her laying her eggs...it hits you. It's just you. It's always been just you. It always will be just you.
What really matters right now is who I am and how I feel about myself. In this moment it doesn't matter what kind of car I drive. It doesn't matter how much money I make or whether all of my coworkers approve of me as a person. It doesn't matter how many TVs I have or how many likes I get for a picture I post on Facebook. It doesn't matter if anyone else on the planet approves of who I love. All of those people making judgments on our lives are not here. And those people will move in and out of our lives anyway so why would we change who we are to meet THEIR needs or expectations? It's likely they are in our lives to raise our awareness. To shine a light on something. It's our job to become aware of that.
The second part of your work is being courageous enough to be you. Brene Brown, author of Daring Greatly, said "Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy--the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light." I don't think we ever feel the depth of true joy unless we are being our true selves. Which is counter intuitive as we strive to create that belonging by changing to be something we think others will accept. Exactly the opposite of how we should be doing it!
So as you move through life and try to determine what's real for you or not, think about being on that beach in Costa Rica. Sit still. Meditate. Take the time to get to know yourself. And then dare to live from that place. And then those that are supposed to be in your life...the ones that will love the real you..the ones that you will find that true deep connection with will come.
And that is true peace.
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